Chris Remus' Personal Blog

My free-form, unfiltered and unorganized space to reflect and explore.

Each new communication tool humans create, e.g. telegram, phone, fax, email and chat make communication more efficient and convenient.

Each has also resulted in us doing more, not less, work.

This is caused by our incessant need to constantly do more, faster.

It's the intent behind using the tool that creates the result of using the tool itself.

What if, rather than doing more, we used them to free-up time for restorative activities, allowing us to recharge our energy and attention supplies?

One of my struggles is making time for creative activity. For me, this comes in the form of writing, sketching and photography. I'm setting an intention to do more of this in 2020. Going to more art museums is included in the intention too.

Writing I do here and in other blogs, like Just Rolling with It. Photography goes on VSCO. Sketching is a work in progress and goes in physical notebooks.

Like most things I do, trying to get these activities β€œjust right” blocks me from doing them. These expectations get in the way. Here's to hoping that documenting this awareness helps break the ice and build consistency.

I've started an accountability group with an artist friend of mine. He's learning to code and become more structured. I'm looking to create and become less structured. We hope to help each other in our respective ways, while having fun along the way!

Living in a city means space is limited. Life feels like Tetris sometimes, trying to maximize every bit of apartment space.

It makes me aware of an accumulation and reduction cycle. Even though I feel like I try to minimize consumption, accumulation still happens. Then the reduction cycle kicks-in.

How much of this stuff do I really need? I ask myself this continuously.

I think the goal is to minimize what needs to be reduced. Yet as humans change, needs or perceived needs change. So it feels like this process will never be 100% efficient. Then again, what is?

Do you ever experience complete mental gridlock? I do.

Sometimes it feels mild, at other times intense. My body feels tense when this happens too.

I've rediscovered the inseparable power of the mind/body connection. So I don't feel surprised any longer when experiencing the physical tension.

I've learned over time the best thing to do at these times is to slow down. The mental gridlock and physicsl tension is my being's way of saying STOP.

Yet I still have difficulty stopping. This morning felt difficult as a result. Yet I finally did stop and I feel the gridlock loosening.

As I write, the expectations follow. I started this blog with no expectations. I find myself hesitating to write, now that I've been doing it for a while.

I start thinking about whether the chosen topic is consistent with past topics. I get caught in thinking posts have to be a certain length. And it goes on...

I'm writing this post to begin breaking these expectations. That's why I'll end it now, feeling incomplete.

I've been doing most of my free form writing in this blog lately. Before this, I'd been using a small physical journal.

The journal was private. This blog isn't.

I've been thinking of the trade-offs. This blog allows me to continue getting comfortable putting myself out there, being open, vulnerable and available for connection.

Yet there are some things that I feel are best kept private. Maybe they feel too painful or sensitive to share. I'm also trying to be conscious of over-sharing. Brene Brown's over-sharing definition resonates with me.

So maybe the answer is to start writing both here and in the physical journal again. In addition to being a private place to reflect on anything, I experience the physical act of putting pen to paper as a grounding activity.

I'm rediscovering the pleasure of physical books and bookstores. For many years I convinced myself our NYC apartment had no room for books. I'm now enjoying making space for them.

There's something comforting and inspiring to me about being around books. Maybe it's the sense of potential, connection and expansion they represent to me.

I'm also enjoying buying a book even if it may take me a while to get aroubd to reading it. I'm feeling grateful to rediscover the joy of browsing used and independent bookstores. It feels important to me to expose our son to bookstores too.

If I do buy online, I try and buy used on Amazon. My next intention is to start using IndieBound as my go-to online bookstore.

First posted as my introduction here.

Hi Everyone πŸ‘‹

Background

I'm Chris. I came across Bentoism via Yancey Strickler's Reboot podcast episode. I've been following Jerry Colonna's work since before there was a Reboot.

It's one of the very few podcasts I make space for on a regular basis. I'm also a current Reboot Founder's Circle member.

Why Bentoism

I've been thinking about this idea of financial gain being the ultimate arbiter of right and wrong in business for a while now. It had been present in my consciousness for a while. I've started to recognize it for what it is only over the past year.

Spending a year on a floor of a co-working space with real estate agents really brought this to light. Day-in and day-out, I was amazed and sometime appalled by how the pursuit of a $ justified every action they took.

I've been writing about a related topic, pursuing The Dream, on my blog, Just Rolling with It, for a while now. The blog's evolved to explore why we are so convinced that pursuing The Dream justifies so many other unhealthy decisions and trade-offs.

These decisions pull us in the opposite direction of self-coherence. I was going in this direction for most of my working life. Just Rolling with It started about 4-5 years ago. A few years into it, I realized that this career/life reboot was about aligning the work I do with my true self, as Parker Palmer refers to it.

I'm curious to explore Bentoism as I develop Chainflow. It's a company I'm building (and bootstrapping) that runs validators on cryptocurrency Proof of Stake networks.

Although the space is less than a year old, it's already showing signs of being driven primarily by the accumulation of financial assets. And this is in a space that's ostensibly about creating a more equitable distribution of wealth and power.

I'm feeling excited to find this group. I look forward to exploring, developing and furthering these ideas with each of you.

Holiday travel begins tomorrow. These times feel conflicting. I want to rest from work. I know it's healthy to rest.

Yet at the same time, I find myself in the fortunate circumstance of truly enjoying my work. Plus I work for myself. These conditions makes it hard for me to disconnect.

Today I marked some vacation time on my calendar. I think it feels like a beneficial balance.

Past experience has shown that being part in and part out od vacation at all times feels doubly exhausting.

Hopefully setting aside specific times to work this vacation season will help prevent this half in/out tension from manifesting and compounding.

I feel pretty good about my efforts to not get caught in the artificial and unhealthy holiday consumption cycle. Yet I still became aware of experiencing a growing sense of urgency as the year closes.

This perceived urgency is manifesting in my consciousness and somatic experiemce as mild anxiety. The source feels like the drive humanity has to bring the current western calendar to a close with definitive finality.

All these things need to get done before the year ends. We need to start the new year with a clean slate.

These needs drive us toward grasping some finality in something. Yet I reminded myself that time is somewhat an artificial construct in and of itself. For a great perception-bending exploration of time, I recommend reading Einstein's Dreams, by Alan Lightman.

I also reminded myself that January 2 comes and goes. Sometimes it's hard to rember that too, when faced with the massive New Year's Eve build-up and coundown.

Remembering these things is helping ease this year end finality anxiety for me. I don't feel this false sense of urgency so ugently anymore.

To me, that's worth celebrating, even if it's not 00:01 on January 1 2020 yet πŸ™‚πŸ™πŸŽ‰

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